Spring 2008

The late night show comedians (Leno, Letterman, et al) have made a very good living by capitalizing on humorous 'bloopers' - miss-statements that continually flow from the mouths of politicians or celebrities. However, the 'hoof-in-mouth' disease is not the exclusive property of visible public personalities. Corporate America has various senior level managers who are similarly afflicted, as is evidenced by the following Pearls of Wisdom.

As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (MicroSoft Exec)

Email is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. ( Boat Company Manager)

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day. We've been working on this for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (3-M Supervisor)

Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say. (Centrix Corp Marketing Exec).

We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees. (AT & T Supervisor)

This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (UPS Marketing Manager).

Other real-life workplace responses deserve Honorable Mention for the Hall of Shame:

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said: 'She died so that you would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. Can't you change the funeral to Friday; that would be better for me' (Shipping Executive, FTD Florists).

Office Manager to an employee: Don't think of me as a Boss; think of me as a friend who is always right.

Employer: I'm looking for a part-time, Girl Friday. Are you interested? Applicant: No, thanks. I'm all girl, seven days a week!

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